Safe Enough to Disagree

Some leaders say they want honest opinions.

What they really want is agreement.

They invite debate right up until someone challenges their idea. They ask people to speak freely, but employees quickly learn which opinions are safe to express and which ones come with consequences.

That is not a healthy culture.

The best teams should have some friction. Smart, talented, committed people looking at a difficult problem from different perspectives are not always going to agree. Nor should they.

The objective isn’t harmony. The objective is making the team, organization or company better.

Amy Edmondson’s landmark research on psychological safetydefined it as a shared belief that a team is safe for interpersonal risk-taking. Her work found that psychological safety encourages the learning behaviors teams need to improve—asking questions, acknowledging mistakes, seeking feedback and challenging assumptions. (Sage Journals)

In other words, people have to believe they can say:

“I think we’re wrong.”

Friction Isn’t the Problem. Making It Personal Is.

There is an important distinction between disagreeing about the work and turning against the person.

Research on team conflict reinforces that distinction. A major meta-analysis found relationship conflict—conflict that becomes interpersonal—is strongly associated with poorer team performance and lower satisfaction. (Massachusetts Institute of Technology)

So disagree. Challenge. Push back.

But never forget why you are doing it.

If everyone around the table genuinely wants the organization to succeed, disagreement can sharpen thinking. Once the objective becomes winning the argument, embarrassing someone or settling a score, healthy friction has become destructive conflict.

The 1977 New York Yankees provide an extreme example—and certainly not one I recommend copying.

During a nationally televised game at Fenway Park, manager Billy Martin pulled Reggie Jackson from the game for what Martin believed was a lack of hustle. When Jackson reached the dugout, the disagreement became so heated that Martin lunged toward him and coaches had to intervene. (This Day In Baseball)

That team became known as the “Bronx Zoo” for a reason.

Yet months later, those same Yankees won the World Series, with Jackson hitting three home runs in the deciding Game 6. (Pinstripe Alley)

They disagreed—sometimes far too aggressively—but when it mattered, they competed toward a common objective.

Fight Inside the House. Defend the House Outside.

I grew up with two brothers.

We argued. Sometimes we fought. Inside our house, we could irritate each other like only brothers can.

But outside the house?

We were united.

If one brother had a problem, all three of us had a problem. We were dedicated to each other and fiercely loyal to each other.

That bond wasn’t only familial. Over time, we learned to reconcile our differences. We could disagree, work through it and remain a cohesive team.

Great organizations should work the same way.

Debate vigorously inside the room. Challenge assumptions. Air grievances. Say what needs to be said.

Then walk out of the room together.

Leaders Have to Make It Safe

This requires flexibility from the leader because people disagree differently.

Some employees need to rant and rave for a few minutes. Let them get it off their chest, then help them work through the issue.

Others are contemplative. They won’t storm into your office. You may have to ask twice:

“What’s really bothering you?”

Then be quiet long enough to hear the answer.

A leader’s responsibility is to accommodate both—and everything in between. Most importantly, never punish someone later for respectfully telling you what they honestly believed when you asked them to speak freely.

People remember that.

If challenging the boss costs someone opportunities, influence or standing, everyone else will notice. Soon, nobody disagrees anymore.

And that is far more dangerous than an argument.

Teams that feel safe raising problems identify problems earlier. They learn faster. They challenge bad assumptions and make better decisions. Research consistently links psychological safety with learning, innovation and stronger team performance, while Gallup’s large-scale studies connect highly engaged workplaces with superior productivity and profitability. (PubMed Central (PMC))

Great leaders don’t build teams that always agree.

They build teams that trust each other enough to disagree—and remain a team when the disagreement is over.

Lead with Integrity. Serve with Humility. Develop People Relentlessly.